This past week I was on morning car duty …in the cold-rain-fog.
Even in all the nastiness, there were sweet moments watching littles jump out of their cars, waving at their parents, skipping up to the door.
It makes me smile. Even on yucky duty days.
But one morning, another drop-off caught my attention.
I watched a young lady, 5th or 6th grade, hop out of her car. About the time I noticed her, I heard a voice from inside the car, “LOVE YOU SO MU….”
Then..SLAM!
Right in the middle of the “MUCH,” the door slammed, the girl gone.
Now, in all fairness, maybe she didn’t mean to slam the door in the middle of the sweet send-off. Maybe she already said her ‘love yous’ before she got out. (After all, it was raining.)
Or maybe she was just wanting to get out of the car and hadn’t been paying attention to the verbal display affection and love that was being broadcasted in the line of traffic. The public display of a momma’s love.
But it made me smile.
It brought back memories of not only the days of drop offs with my girls, but just life in general when my girls were under my control.
Control. We like that word, don’t we? We like that feeling.
It’s in a momma’s heart to be in control.
A momma’s heart wants to take care of her family.
Planning meals, helping with homework, driving the carpools, and kissing the boo-boos. Anything within our control.
As they grow, the need for control intensifies, yet the actual control does not.
We try to censor what we can, give grace, and assure we know what’s best in those growing-up years. Anything within our control.
We smile, even in the exhaustion.
But then what do we do when those babies are no longer babies.
When we are not wiping noses and holding hands; no longer giving permission or setting boundaries.
What do we do when we are the only one in the car in the morning? When we can actually go to bed when we are tired or read a book with more words than pictures.
How is it the worry is still there, but not the control?
We have books, podcasts, advice to tell us what to do when we are expecting, how to parent through the toddler years, and how to discipline the strong-willed child.
Where is the book that tells us that it’s ok if our strong-willed child moves across the country? Or the one that tells you that you can trust the decisions your children make, even if they are not the same as yours.
Or fix a broken heart or take away the fears and anxiety or keep them safe…when they are no longer in our control.
When I stop and think about it all, it actually takes my breath away.
I am not in control.
Was I ever?
Did God let me think I was in control until I HAD to realize the only way I could be at peace was to just give it to Him?
Now, I’m learning more and more to acknowledge His power in my life.
I am not the one in control. God is, will be, and always has been….in control.
When we learn how to give those worries, those doubts, those moments of panic and concern to the One who is in control, we can rest in Him. His love. His plan. His grace. His goodness.
It’s not always easy to do. Lots of prayer. Learning submission. Watching Him work.
When you see it. And know it. And live it. It becomes a little easier the next time. And, the next. And, the next. And, it’s ever so sweet, watching Him and trusting Him and letting Him take control.
Now, as my girls are getting older and living their big girl lives, I’m mostly all smiles on the outside while on the inside I’m still trying to learn how to breathe.
At times.
Lots of things.
But every day.
I’m trusting God.
The One in control.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)