It’s in a momma’s heart to be in control.  A momma’s heart wants to take care of her family.  She plans the dinners, she organizes the play dates, and she does the laundry.  She helps with homework, she drives the carpools, and she kisses the boo-boos.  Anything within her control. For her children.

Then her children become teenagers.  She tries to censor what she can, she tries to give grace, and she argues she knows what’s best.  She shares concerns about potential bad influences, she nags about grades, and she enforces curfews.  Doing everything within her control. For her children.

 She smiles, and she’s exhausted.

And then all of a sudden, those momma’s babies are grown up.   What is she to do with all that control she has learned to not only manage but dominate?

How is it the worry is still there, but not the control? 

I remember my husband mentioning a job title, Master Controller, at his place of work.  I laughed and admitted I should hold that title, Master Controller of the James Household.  I, like most women I know, am a bit of a control-freak.  I think motherhood does that to you.  When we have to control when your family eats, what clothes fit and are clean, where you need to be and when, we tend to attempt to control it all.  Insert the worry.  If there is something we can’t control, we worry how in the world will it ever work out if we are not controlling it. 

So what is a momma supposed to do when her babies are no longer babies.  When she isn’t wiping noses, matching socks, or cutting the crust off the bread (just kidding, I never did that!)  When she’s the only one in the car, when she can go to bed when she’s tired, and when she can read a book with more words than pictures. 

We have the books to tell us what to do when we are expecting, how to parent through the toddler years, and how to discipline the strong-willed child.  Why?  So we can stay in control. 

Where is the book that tells us that it’s ok if our strong-willed child moves across the country?  Or the one that tells us not to worry when our youngest babe decides to fulfill her dreams and attend college hours away?  Or the one that tells you that you can trust the decisions your daughter makes, even if they are not the same as yours.

I have been so busy in the planning, in the excitement, in the proud momma moments that when I stop and think about it all, it actually takes my breath away.

I am not in control. 

Let me say that again. I am not in control.

Was I ever?  

Did God let me think I was in control until I HAD to realize the only way I could be at peace was to just give it to Him?  Now, it’s time to come clean.  I am not in control.  God is, will be, and always has been….in control.  Insert sigh of relief.   I can cope with the worry, the anxiety, the fears if I just learn to trust God. 

One of the first times I realized this was when my oldest was trying to figure out where to go to college.  Of course, I wanted her to go to my alma mater.  As she was considering it, I decided to quit fussing and hoping and controlling. I prayed that God would put her where He wanted her, not where I wanted her.  He did, and it wasn’t part of my plan.  It wasn’t where I thought she would go, but once God worked it out, I could relax.  What a great college experience she had! 

Now, as all three of my girls are getting older and living their big girl lives, I’m mostly all smiles on the outside while on the inside I’m still trying to learn how to breathe. 

At times.

But every day. 

I’m trusting God. 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  -Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  -Matthew 6:34