I love hanging out in my bedroom. I read. I write. I nap and watch Netflix. I catch up with phone calls. I used to grade papers propped up on a pillow in my comfy bed; many a night I fell asleep reading 6th grade essays.
It’s calming. It’s relaxing. Not a lot of distractions.
When my girls lived at home, they would sometimes come hang out with me to share the things of the day, to let some frustration out, or to just talk. Sometimes they would try to cuddle or they might just lay at the foot of the bed. The older they became, the later in the day those chats occurred. There is something about letting it all out at the end of the day. I get it. When our babies are little, we cherish the time we spend with them. As they get older, we appreciate and welcome it!
So, I always tried to create margin for those evening exchanges.
Oh, the stories from those conversations. From kissing boys to Harry Styles to friend drama to college visits. I will save their embarrassment by not revealing the details in those moments that I so treasure. But I will tell you there were many, many giggles, some sound advice at times, and a few tears from broken hearts, mine as well as theirs. But, I wouldn’t trade any of those talks for anything, even the difficult ones.
One particular evening when Hadley was just a tot, she was hanging out with me, nestled in the comfort of the blankets on the bed, so I decided to ask her questions from one of those Facebook surveys. You know the ones, “How well do your children know you?” I had been reading responses from several friends’ kiddos that were cute and comical. So, I prepped my sweetie to answer these questions I was about to ask. The first one, “What is something your mom always tells you?” As I anticipated the sweetness in her answer, her reply caught me a little off-guard.
“NO!”
While she was not wrong, that answer has stayed with me for lots of reasons through the years. I will admit, I did stop and think about how often I said “no.” Those days of teaching full time while trying to be a good momma, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. were tough! Many times I did not have the energy or the capacity for a yes.
Other times my husband and I had to make decisions what we believed to be best in raising God-fearing young women, so we had to say no to things when other parents might have been saying yes. I now realized we were all doing the best we could, but in saying no, I wrestled with judgement and bitterness at times. But in the end, it all seemed to work out.
No wasn’t a bad word.
It meant protection. It meant safety. It meant love and wanting what’s best. It meant direction and guidance. It meant teaching and learning. It meant instilling boundaries.
And, sometimes it’s the same when we go to God with what we want, what we desire, what we think we need. We want the YES.
We ask the question and wait for the sweetness in His answer.
We have all the reasons, good reasons, why a YES would be best.
We wait and we keep praying for a YES.
And, all the while, He is saying NO.
He is saying NO, trust me.
He is saying NO, I am working for your good.
He is saying NO, I love you. I am protecting you.
He is saying NO, my plan for you is perfect. My way is better.
It’s not a bad word.
And, when we experience the goodness in the NO, we learn to trust Him to guide our path with love and understanding. Sometimes it’s easy. Most of the time, it’s not.
It’s hard to hear, but even harder to accept. We are all ready to sing His praises when we get the yes, when we get what we think we want, what we think we need, what we think we deserve.
But what are we doing when we get the no? Do we separate ourselves from Him? Do we blame Him? Do we lose faith? Do we try to go about what we want anyway, another way?
Or, do we continue to put our faith in Him? Do we truly believe He is good and His ways are perfect? Do we stay the course in seeking Him in all we do?
Dear friends, there are blessings in the answers that involve no. No is not a bad word. When you receive a no from God, know that His love is pure and there is goodness to be enjoyed and lived in, according to His will. There is peace knowing He is with us in the good and the bad, the yes and the no. He goes before us; He walks with us and sometimes he carries us. He knows and will give us what we need, when we need it, the way we need it. Let us keep our eyes focused on Him; let us listen to His voice guiding us; and let us boldly trust and follow Him to lead us into His truth and all He has promised to us. For He is good and His love for us endures forever and ever.
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10 (NIV)